This past year I have started writing letters to my son. My son is only 19mo old so It may be 10, 15, or even 20 years before he reads these letters. I just wanted to create a way for him to be able to have a deeper connection to this time in his life. A time that he likely will not remember, but a time that is undoubtedly shaping him for the rest of his life. I keep these letters private. Tucked away in a box in our china cabinet. But the letter I wrote him on mother’s day this year I’ve decided to share.
May 8th 2011
It’s Mother’s Day. A day when I should be riding high. Instead, I’m feeling very guilty. I dropped you this morning. You landed flat on your face. Luckily, the distance wasn’t far enough for serious damage to be done, but your fat lip and bruised cheek are enough to bring tears to my eyes. I’m so sorry to have dropped you, honey. Please know that it was not intentional. You slipped out of my arms as we were playing. We had been having so much fun! I hope the fun we were having is your memory of that moment -not the fall.
As I write, I realize it is highly likely I will drop you again someday. Hopefully not literally, but chances are good I will let you down in some way. I will never let you down on purpose. My work is always, always to enhance your life. I accept that there will be situations in my lifetime when you and I will not see eye-to-eye. This will not be due to my lack of love, respect or faith in you. It will simply be a step in our mother and son process. You and I coming together to share a lesson. These lessons will never, ever be about bringing you down. Rather, they will always be about building you up. So, whether it’s dropping you on your face as a toddler or any other myriad of situations to come, the only way I could ever fail you is if I don’t offer you a safe place to heal. I will always offer that to you, sweet boy. I will always be here for you.