In recent weeks insecurity has been rearing its ugly head throughout my days. Thoughts of not being good enough, not doing well enough or that I need to be, do, or have more in order to be respected were putting a real drag on my personal and professional life. I couldn’t put a finger on where this was coming from. Until Tuesday morning.
Tuesday morning my son woke up early and my husband got up with him. I laid in bed for another half hour and when I came downstairs I saw our son sitting in his high chair, in front of the t.v, with a bowl of soupy oatmeal! This situation was the straw that broke the mastodon’s back! I hurriedly moved the high chair into the dining room, made a new bowl of oatmeal (my son isn’t highly adept with a spoon just yet. His oatmeal needs to be thick), and let my husband know how disappointed I was. We didn’t speak to each other the rest of the morning.
After my husband went to work, guilt set in. I was so over-reactive. I said mean things. What if something happened to him on the way to work. Was this really the memory of our morning I wanted to create???
Then, I began to reflect. It wasn’t just the TV and oatmeal that made me upset, it was the insecurity I had been dealing with. And as I wrote my husband an apologetic email (lame, I know) I realized that he and I hadn’t connected in months. Sure, we’d chat about each other’s day or special events we were involved in, but we hadn’t had a heart to heart, soul to soul conversation in months. I wanted to know that we were still moving in the same direction as partners, parents and friends. Not simply roommates who worked hard to pay the bills and feed the kiddo.
As I hit send it hit me. This is why I had been feeling so insecure lately! It was clear as day, in black and white, posted on my refrigerator: Baron’s Laws of Transformation. Law#12 -Understand that the whole is the goal.You cannot do wrong in one part of your life and expect to do right in all others. I had been doing wrong in my partnership, in my marriage. I was so disconnected from my husband- my soul partner -that it began to trickle into other areas of my life. Teaching, mothering, friendships, you name it!
Our lives are not solitary. We are a complete package of relationships, habits and beliefs. Are there essential relationships in your life that could be strengthened? Is there an area of your life that could be refined to help complete your ‘wholeness’? When you understand that the Whole is the Goal you can begin to reflect upon areas that need more attention to help send you to new heights!
That evening, I came home to a homemade dinner for two. Set up on our front porch with a bouquet of flowers. My husband and I shared. Heart to heart. Wine glass to wine glass 😉