*Warning: The scene I describe in this post is extremely violent. This post is not for everyone. *
I watched a video on the internet this week that really disturbed me. It disturbed me so much that when my mind quiets, images from this video come into my head and leave me feeling sick inside. Literally, it feels like I’ve been punched in the stomach. I thought long and hard before deciding to write this post. Mainly for my own sake – could I stand to replay the video in my mind again? I decided to suck it up and share my feelings with you in hopes that with enough awareness, the images I witnessed this week will never happen again.
It started while I was on facebook and saw a friend had posted a video to their wall. I clicked on the link, watched their video and was about to leave the site. But then, another video thumbnail in the sidebar caught my attention (I refuse to share the name of the video. It DOES NOT deserve another view.). The video title made reference to a person being a ‘bully’. I was curious. I clicked. What was the ‘bully’ up to I wondered.
The scene takes place outside of a school building. The ‘bully’ in this video is a slim, wiry elementary school student. He appears to be teasing a boy who is much taller than he and heavier – a David and Goliath image. It’s hard to make out what is being said, but within 30 seconds the larger boy picks up the smaller boy, turns him upside down, and smashes his head into the sidewalk.
The ‘bully,’ who is now the victim, can barely get to his feet. When he does stand he is contorted and crooked. He’s wobbling. He cannot walk in a straight line. As he tries to stagger away from the scene he moves closer to the camera. The entire right side of his face is destroyed.
The video goes on, but I couldn’t watch it. I felt guilty enough for having watched this far. I walked into the bathroom and began dry-heaving. I have a son. If you’re a parent you understand.
From guilt I turned to anger. “What sort of parents do these boys have?” “What sort of parents would set an example that teasing is ok?, that bullying is ok? that retaliating is ok? that destroying another human being is ok?!!!!!” Where were the teachers? Why the HELL was someone videotaping this!!!!!!!!!?????????
Part of me wanted to retaliate. Part of me wanted to find out which school this was and send a scathing letter. Part of me wanted to post a video in response to the parents- “How the %#@! could you let this happen?”. As my blood grew hotter and hotter I forced myself to focus on breathing.
I slowly began to come down from the drama I was creating. Then, the real lesson came to me . This wasn’t about a brawl among two young boys. This was about a world shadowed with so much self doubt, so much lack of love for Self, that we damage our children. We damage our children.
If you’re alive, if you’re reading this, I know you’ve gone through shit in your life. Everyone has. Heartbreak, neglect, abuse, worse.. .We’ve all been through our own versions of hell. And even though we’ve been drug through the trenches and we have the scars to prove it, we allow history to repeat itself. It may not be a mirror image, but we allow the pains, abuses, and damage of what we’ve experienced to carry into the lives of our children. Setting up an ugly, disastrous and sometimes deadly cycle.
So how do we break the cycle? How do we ensure future generations the chance at a rich, loving, peaceful life? It starts with you. It starts with the person reading this post. It starts with realizing, no BELIEVING, that you are good enough, smart enough, strong enough, pretty enough, tall enough, large enough, young or old enough. It starts with BELIEVING in whoever YOU ARE. Knowing that you are not here by accident. Knowing that you are truly a miracle. If your father’s sperm hadn’t been fast enough – you wouldn’t be here! You had a one in a gazillion chance of being born and guess what, you won! You fucking won!!!!!!!!!!!
Please, please, please stop doubting your beauty, your abilities, your worth. You are already everything you need to offer this world. I will say that again,YOU ARE ALREADY EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO OFFER THIS WORLD. You do not need to try harder, do more, buy more, drink more, smoke more, eat more, swear more, fight more… all you need to do is recognize your dark places, accept them as fertilizer (shit) that will help you grow, and move forward! Move forward and know that you deserve your own happiness!
It’s amazing how responsible we all are. Whether you’re a parent or not, we are all responsible for the words, images, actions and reactions of the children in this world. My friend Emmett said it best in a message he sent me today, “We don’t often think of the continuing ripples our energy creates. Whether positive or negative, we are like broadcasting towers, sending our thoughts and feelings out into the world. ” Everything we say and do makes an impact on the world around us. Everything. Are you creating ripples, gentle enough to ride or are you making waves large enough to destroy?
It starts with you.
That post was really heavy. Here's a kitten to lighten the mood.